Before I Fade to Black

Up before the dawn initiates, I make my way to the driveway and look around.

Majestic is my inward response to the vivid display of creation showing off its wonder. The horizon slowly yawns with a dusty splash of cotton-candy pink cloud formations as its backdrop for the radiant sun to awaken. On the other side of the heavenly skyline is a moonlight still shining white; not yet ready to rest in the black backdrop somewhere else in the world.

This may be the best visual illustration of my emotional wellbeing.

The darkness of despondency has not completely went to rest, yet, the dawn of a new day and all the possibilities are igniting in my soul. It has been a long season wandering around with the small glimpse of light to guide my heart around in the darkness.

I feel the energy propel my movement, yet am a tad anxious. “How long will you stay in the light?” my sanguine self wonders. She is not ready to fade under the black backdrop. She has been on a role completing a marathon of responsibilities in record pace. The thrill compels her to continue, occasionally looking to the horizon for signs of the impending sunset on her wellbeing. Maybe if she is quiet, the darker side of melancholy will not awaken again. She can only hope. So, her aspirations continue on a mission to change the world.

At one time I would attempt to place melancholy to bed prematurely by painting a porcelain-tooth grin on her, but, I’ve discovered this only frustrates her mood. And, I am beginning to see she has a certain kind of beauty to her. Maybe, it is the darkness that makes her draw close to the small amount of light, like one would center around a candle before electricity gave light at night. The glow is not as bright, but there is a certain intimacy in the small space that illuminates places deep within.

I’d love to be merry go rounding the orbit until death draws me home. But, the whirlwind of turmoil with its ups and dips sees to be the trajectory of myself. I guess it makes for an exciting adventure.

Lord, until you bring me home, help me to be all I can be.  When I am trapped in darkness, help me be a beam of light, pointing directly to your Light. One day, I know, I will be surrounded by Your Light, and will no longer feel the weariness of night. And then, you promise to wipe my tears away forevermore.
Until then…

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