For as long as I can remember, I desired to be big.  Not in frame, but in stature.

I wanted to do something extra special with my life.  When I fell hard for Jesus, I transferred this desire to His mission.  Maybe fueled by the fact I felt called to grandiose adventures, I thought grandeur was included.

The first time I led a bible study, a lady walked up afterward and called me a ‘mini Beth Moore’.  Compliments reeled in weekly, and I felt the pace of my desire catapulted by each and every accolade.

Then, something, actually, some things happened.  The open-wide doors of opportunity suddenly shut.  Hard. Growing ministries were handed off to walk in a new direction I believed God called me.  In one quick swoop of the hinge, I became a behind-the-scenes girl.

I no longer spoke in public.  I ministered in the trenches with messy children with sticky fingerprints—to the least of these.

For a while I felt punished.  Until one day, with tears running without abandon, a friend suggested I was being pruned, not punished.  Maybe.  Still, it hurt.

But, as time often does, I began to heal from this former hurt.  And the passion to speak in larger venues lessened to a small spark hardly capable of starting a fire.  Years went by and contentment entered in.  Passion transferred.

Until one day, unexpectedly, a closed door opened a crack.  A peek of light appeared on the other side.  I cautiously entered the room to this former ministry.  No longer viewing it as a stepping-stone to something more, I realized I had stepped into my passion.

Not to speak, but to serve.  

Daydreams of larger venues no longer occupy my time.  Well, not too much of my time. 🙂

But, I wonder, what if my talent is a two, and not a five?  I think I am okay with this. Two’s are special too.

Actually two has something that five doesn’t always afford.  And that is intimacy. A smaller setting has the advantage to fully invest in each individual.  Interestingly, my heart explodes with passion for these few here.  Hmm.

In the end, I hope to hear the words spoken to the two-talent individual in the parable–

“Well done, good and faithful servant!  You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master’s happiness!”