For as long as I can remember, I desired to be big. Not in frame, but in stature.
I wanted to do something extra special with my life. When I fell hard for Jesus, I transferred this desire to His mission. Maybe fueled by the fact I felt called to grandiose adventures, I thought grandeur was included.
The first time I led a bible study, a lady walked up afterward and called me a ‘mini Beth Moore’. Compliments reeled in weekly, and I felt the pace of my desire catapulted by each and every accolade.
Then, something, actually, some things happened. The open-wide doors of opportunity suddenly shut. Hard. Growing ministries were handed off to walk in a new direction I believed God called me. In one quick swoop of the hinge, I became a behind-the-scenes girl.
I no longer spoke in public. I ministered in the trenches with messy children with sticky fingerprints—to the least of these.
For a while I felt punished. Until one day, with tears running without abandon, a friend suggested I was being pruned, not punished. Maybe. Still, it hurt.
But, as time often does, I began to heal from this former hurt. And the passion to speak in larger venues lessened to a small spark hardly capable of starting a fire. Years went by and contentment entered in. Passion transferred.
Until one day, unexpectedly, a closed door opened a crack. A peek of light appeared on the other side. I cautiously entered the room to this former ministry. No longer viewing it as a stepping-stone to something more, I realized I had stepped into my passion.
Not to speak, but to serve.
Daydreams of larger venues no longer occupy my time. Well, not too much of my time. 🙂
But, I wonder, what if my talent is a two, and not a five? I think I am okay with this. Two’s are special too.
Actually two has something that five doesn’t always afford. And that is intimacy. A smaller setting has the advantage to fully invest in each individual. Interestingly, my heart explodes with passion for these few here. Hmm.
In the end, I hope to hear the words spoken to the two-talent individual in the parable–
“Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!”