It began with an itch in my soul to document my moments into some type of order. Since I am not a linear thinker, this alone can be overwhelming.
This first segment was from November 1, 2015–one day before Hubby was officially diagnosed.
Oh, how I hate hills. Not the rolling ones on the landscape that display beauty with its multiple dimensions of imagery, but the kind I encounter while running. If I happen upon one, I am like the little engine that couldn’t.
With the mere suggestion of difficulty, the lower extremities go into distress, and either respond with a stall in stride, or engage in traitor status by turning around and heading back the way they came.
So, wouldn’t it be just like God to give me a glimpse into my immediate future with an obscure picture of a road sign with a phrase awakening me from a nap saying,
“Steep curves ahead.”
Is this a warning signal in advance because He knows who I am, and how I would rather not deal with difficulty by avoiding the path directly in front of me?
Avoid feelings with smiles; this is my life motto.
Overwhelmed, I create an aura of appearing underwhelmed to crisis.
Still, this will not be something I can avoid.
I am not sure I can handle the truth of the situation tomorrow. I am overwhelmed by the idea of him being ill. What if I can’t handle it? What if my stability is not as stable as I appear?
What is my breaking point? I don’t even like to cast a tear in a movie theatre, let alone the possibility of tears falling for a legitimate reason as this.
What if I disappoint him by not being attentive enough to his care, by being fixated on the crisis from my vantage point?
I think I can, I think I can I think I can…
It’s like He is saying, “We’ve got this, Josie.”
Whatever the crisis, God is in control. Always. The same God who Created, is the same God who can cure.
He is also the same God who calms the calamity inside with His calming Presence.
God, when I am no longer capable and can’t do this, I know You can.
You can heal hurts. You can heal hurting hearts.
You can comfort those who mourn.
You can comfort the basket case of emotions that surround sickness. You can even cure cancer.
Yes, you can.